Thursday, 6 August 2009

Altoids And Oral Sex

Have you heard the urban legend that claims Altoids, the extra strong mint, can inhance sexual pleasure? No?

Then read on.

In an email circulated somewhere around '96/'97, it was stated as follows:

Altoids In A Whole New Life

This is an absolutely true story-forward it around to friends who might get a kick out of it.

Had the most interesting conversation with the top sales weasel at our company today. She came into my office and noticed I had a box of Altoids on my desk.

(Have you had them? They are these obnoxiously strong peppermints made in England.) As soon as she saw them, she burst into laughter. Turns out she had recently had an affair with a guy who called her and left her an incredibly steamy voice mail message after an encounter. He went on and on about what a blow job goddess she was, how amazing she was, how he'd never be the same, etc. She was kind of puzzled, thinking: what did I do to this guy that was so different from my regular technique?

he finally figured it out: she's a smoker, and before getting intimate with him, she had gone to the bathroom to "freshen up." Not having a toothbrush, she crunched on about four Altoids and then got busy. Apparently things went amazingly.

So she passed this little tidbit on to another female sales weasel, who immediately tried it out on *her* fiance. Apparently this guy has never, ever been into oral sex, but liked the mint sensation so much that he asked her to stop and chew another Altoid mid-blow job. He is now a fellatio gourmand.

This news has been going around our office. Having a box of Altoids on your desk is now like being part of the Secret Blowjob Goddess Society. It's the equivalent of having the hottest car or coolest computer. News spread like crazy among the females, who all went out at lunch to Walgreens to buy a box of Altoids (about $2 for 100 or so), and their partners across the city tonight are getting one hell of a corporate blow job. As far as company-wide morale boosting events, it doesn't get much better.

Some of the men found out, too -- they went out after work to buy them for their wives. They strategized on how to get their wives to eat them.

And people wonder why I work in technology.

(For what it's worth -- it really does work! It leaves a lasting tingle that is apparently quite exquisite.)

Is it true?

Well, it sounds quite plausable... I suppose it would be like rubbing your private parts with a red hot poker before jerking the turkey if it worked. But does it?

Well, there's no real evidence either way. There's people out there who have tried it with varied comments, from 'Oh God...' to 'well at least your breath smells nice after all that.' There are no scientific studies to prove or dismiss the claims, but we at Urban Legends Revealed believe that this is pure folklore, the same kind of story that's passed round the campfire for gullible sponges to go home and try it out only to find that the blow job was, at the end of the day, a blow job, and that a shot in the mouth, at the end of the day, didn't leave their breath smelling too much like salt.

So take it from us...

This is an Urban Legend Revealed!


Falcata Times said...

LOL, a strange one and to be honest its the sort of thing that does make you wonder. Having someone chomp on something thats full of menthos before utilising it over a sensitive part of the body does make you worry about the sting. (IE is it going to be as bad as something like Deep Heat?)

Not something I'd like to try to be honest but I suppose it might help disguise the taste of other substances.

Jay said...

Ouch - I tried Deep Heat once... it required a trip to A&E! LOL! But I can't imagine rubbing my penis with mints haha or having someone breath on it with fiery breath!

A strange UL to be sure!



Anonymous said...

I'd be rolling on the floor laughing if a coworker told me this! Now I'm not going to be able to see Altoids in the checkout line and not laugh. Maybe they should stock some next to the KY?

Jay said...

Good idea! Haha! Maybe with a health warning to boot!


dbreynolds said...

Well, yeah, it works! You know that minty feeling in your mouth when you suck on an Altoid? Well, it works the same way on the more tender bits! Makes 'em all tingly.


Jay said...

I'm a bit scared to put it to the test! LOL!

Maybe you need some Altoid-related fellatio in Rajmund! :)

D. B. Reynolds said...

Well, now, THERE's an idea! LOL

kathydobbs said...

Love this site. You might want to check out my blogpot site about Ms. Nancy Williams from Utah. A very interesting urban legend there.

Courtney said...

I think the urban legend is referring to the guy who didn't enjoy oral sex!! Never met a guy who didn't beg for it :)

Stanley Workman said...

Name the title of any work of Art, created by a contemporary Clevelander? Har-pressed, huh?
"Cleveland Interracial Foxy-Boxing"; "Aids in Bay Village"; Retro: the Kate Jones Story"; "Big-butt Betty Boop", most locals have heard of.
The creation of sometimes elaborate fictitious events to propel an image, is unique within the field of fine arts.
Many early examples of this mans work, are now decades-old urban myths.
Marc Breed.